The sheer fact that the Reddit frontpage has a ‘happy birthday’ thread directed towards Alton Brown makes me think, maybe, just maybe, the internet has some good in it.
June 2010
I don't get why bartending school is necessary these days
Most the people I know who went to school couldn’t mix a drink if their life depended on it.
Conversely, I, or any of the near-alcoholics we know would be more than happy to mix you a well-proportioned Tom Collins.
Skips on the Record: Dear dumb tumblr self-image motivation pictures →
skipsontherecordreviews.tumblr.com
I would like to reiterate that pseudo-artsy pseudo-intellectual shlock about not being bound to ideas/the tyranny of the masses/the cruelty of popular opinion is just as stupid as the crap you’re fighting. I Just saw a picture with something to the effect of “I will not conform to your binary…
its just a silly picture of a girl with a beard. take a pill
oi, im calm. it just confuses me, because they accomplish the opposite of their intent.
wait…you have pills?
Dear dumb tumblr self-image motivation pictures
I would like to reiterate that pseudo-artsy pseudo-intellectual shlock about not being bound to ideas/the tyranny of the masses/the cruelty of popular opinion is just as stupid as the crap you’re fighting. I Just saw a picture with something to the effect of “I will not conform to your binary ideas of beauty”. Guess what? ‘NOT’ is the binary opposite of ‘IS’. By not conforming, you are. By directing attention away from something, you highlight and strengthen its existence. For the love of god, if you have a dumb opinion that can expressed via infographic, its better, healthier, and more socially conscious to simply act on those opinions.
I love my band
all that surrounds me is repulsive
the lonesome and bloated: new jersey
Student Loans For Beer Money: A thought I had →
studentloansforbeermoney.com
(I am running out battery life so this could be rushed)
Do you ever think that maybe rock music criticism was a grand experiment and it doesn’t really work? It’s relatively new, started in the 60’s, was more or less refined until the 90’s.
But I was reading a thread that Absolute Punk was having…
My thoughts exactly. To me, it never made sense to review or critique and album. Why would anyone care whether I liked it or not. It’s all a matter of opinion. I could absolutely hate the same album that someone else really loves. That’s why people need to listen to albums and music before they decide whether or not they like it. Just because someone else thinks an album or song is good, doesn’t necessarily mean that I will feel the same and vice versa.
Time to weigh in
Does anyone shit on CNet for reviewing vacuums and ipads? No. People want to know if the things theyre going to buy work. Music criticism wasn’t much different. A well though out peice of criticism not only says “hey guys guess what, this album is really rad”, but it also describes what can be expected of that album in terms of instrumentation, tone, lyrics, stylistic nuances, and departures or lack thereof from previous work. Back during the stone age, people paid for music, and so it made sense to read reviews in order to determine if the products that interested them were worth their money.
Now we have bittorrent.
No money involved means no inherent risk of loss by listening.
Tape Song
The Kills
The Kills- tape song
every odd summer brings this band back
"haroo"
SO...
Who here knows how to write a letter of appeal for regaining a college scholarship?
Need this shit to keep going to school; don’t want to take a summer class because its too much damn money.
How do I explain/excuse my grade situation without sounding like I’m bitching?
How do I ask for money without being a douche?
Am I overthinking this?
things i’ve never been good with:
-formality
-money
-authority
things i’m alright with:
-words
that’s still three against one
i have to do the exact same thing.
any ideas on how to start?
can i just write a cover letter that says: hey, i couldnt think of how to ask you guys to give me money, so i wrote you a novel instead?
SO...
Who here knows how to write a letter of appeal for regaining a college scholarship?
Need this shit to keep going to school; don’t want to take a summer class because its too much damn money.
How do I explain/excuse my grade situation without sounding like I’m bitching?
How do I ask for money without being a douche?
Am I overthinking this?
things i’ve never been good with:
-formality
-money
-authority
things i’m alright with:
-words
that’s still three against one
David Thorne can be a massive dick sometimes, but this is fantastic. →
27bslash6.com
(via suburbantragic)
Everyone. Read this now.
Loaded Details
Ideal female:
- Isn’t a cunt
Ideal male:
- Isn’t a dick
Terminologically, men should be women, women should be men.
The grass is always greener, the unseen or unpossessed always more bearable.
I wonder how many would-be famed artists kill themselves after producing what they consider their crowning achievement, only to remain forever fumbling in obscurity, death and immortality somehow becoming fingers in the same handshake promise.
I wonder how many-famed artists cope with the impossibility of knowing their promise or their perception of achievement and impact.
I wonder how many artists would be killed if they couldn’t do it themselves.
I, wonder, imbue many with fame and death, forever obscured.
Artist, I wonder what will remain of you.
I got my first rejection letter!
Dear Ryan,
Thank you for submitting your work to Nashville Review. This doesn’t seem like a good fit for NR, but we appreciate your interest in our magazine.
Best,
NRWHOOPS! Sucks to be my short story right now haha.
who ever heard of the Nashville Review anyway? fuck em. do it live.
Holden Caulfield called me a phoney
so i mugged him
Listen
Hot Water Music- it’s hard to know
this is my first summer since maybe age 13 that i havent been able to find a job which gives a reasonable amount of hours, so ive been subbing in all my extra time reading
as of a half hour ago ive killed House of Leaves, A Farewell to Arms, Slaughterhouse Five, and a motley blob of shorts. Tomorrow i’m embarking on Bukowksi’s Hot Water Music, so i figured i’d post something by the band of its nearly-irrelevant namesake. (i know that’s terrible wording, but its 3am. the band took the name of book. </confusion>)
onward and upward. i swear ill get around to Infinite Jest.
We Apologize For The Inconvenience
[I wasn’t entirely sure I should post short fiction, because there really isn’t much of an audience for it but I feel like if I submit it to a journals it’s worth being put on my portfolio site. Plus, like most of the work on here, I’m just really proud of it. I think I submitted this to a Christian literary journal, oddly enough. Hey, if it pays…]
The curse of Dr. Steven Weller’s life was that he was wrong almost all of the time. The curse of George Denton’s life was that he met Dr. Weller the one time the doctor wasn’t full of shit.
You see George Denton was in love once. And when I say in love, I mean, he was in love. Most people don’t really love anything or anyone, well maybe certain TV shows or ice cream flavors. But George, he loved Karen, and whether it was the hand of God touching his heart or incredibly unilateral dopamine receptors firing a 5-year long symphony of infatuation, George loved Karen. George loved Karen in the sunshine, in the rain, in the spring, in the winter, when she got food poisoning and had horrific diarrhea all night, and he loved her up until she took her own life in a motel bathroom scared and alone, two weeks off her meds. He loved her up until the funeral when those same pesky dopamine receptors of his fired off a 21-gun-salute and then fell silent forever. Or if you’re more heavenly-inclined, up until God stopped touching George’s heart, flipped George off and went back to not answering prayers and watching women in the shower.
So he met Dr. Steven Weller and anyone could have told him it was a bad idea. Of course, telling him something was a bad idea was Karen’s job and she hadn’t been doing that good of a job as of late, being dead and all.
The drug being trialed was Weller’s pet project. On his resume already was a male enhancement drug that accidentally made users grow breasts, a hair-loss cream that also made you grow breasts, and an acne medication that incidentally made your breasts get smaller. So, when Weller was signing in his volunteers he was trying to find people who looked like they would be comfortable with whatever size their breasts ended up being, depending on how the chips fell this time around.
“Are you happy with your breast size, Mister…,” Weller studied his notes, “Denton?”
“My, uh, breasts? Yeah I suppose. Um…”
“So why did you want to be part of this trial?”
“Well, I lost my girlfriend about eight months ago and I’ve been having a tough time with it. I just, I don’t… feel good. My therapist referred me here. Said it might help.”
“Ah, I see, well, Domarex is a different type of anti-depressant. Have you ever been on any other type of mood stabilizer?”
HEY HEY HEY! Another cool thing from my portfolio site. It’s a short story I’ve been submitting around for shits. You don’t have to read it, because it is very long and the internet is a busy place.
ill crit this for you if you’d like (and i updated the thing i sent you, but only in a few minor ways which probably wont change how much youre going to think it sucks). since im in chicago doing NOTHING with my family, expect them soon
Im downloading Kid Pix.
True story.
Bryan.
my god. im in awe
theres so much i want to say, but theres only so many times a day im allowed to seem like a fucking lunatic on the internet
I feel like maybe I should listen to Raditutde eventually. Yes? It hurt just typing that name so maybe I'm not ready.
Though I doubt I ever will be :(
its a fuckin atrocity. criminal. dont do it to yourself
On Cutting
Karate
Karate- on cutting
Why did we wait until the last call?
Strangely alone, strangely silent that’s all,
like a window view that i think you could use.
The merging of lines means it might be fine.
Now i’ve figured out your deal, and my hand’s on the wheel
A Farewell to Arms
staying up before the 14 hour drive to Chicago (which I’d like to sleep through as much as possible); this whole thing was 300 pages of brutal truth
-everything is horrible
-everyone you know, no matter how much you care about them, becomes a fleeting memory easily forgotten
-everyone dies, and never for a reason
I am so goddamn sad right now. Thanks, Ernest. I’d like a cigarette, yes, please, thank you.
Play
I'm not unknown. I'm just uber-boutique.: Lefsetz/The Hold Steady →
raptoravatar.tumblr.com
…
What Bob misunderstands is that bands like the National and the Hold Steady don’t need to cross over. The mainstream audiences are crossing over to them. Lady Gaga has a billion YouTube views and less than a quarter percent as many album sales — is she really so much more popular…
so I’m gunna be a word nerd for a sec here and state that there was no concievable reason for using ‘penumbra’ in the original post.
Things I'm doing right now
drinking a 40oz and watching Mamma Mia!
I don’t hate it.
lets cover ABBA
Things I like
- blunts
- malt liquor
- beer pong teams where I am not an integral role
- Criminal Minds
- Saturday into Sunday nights
Don’t tell mom. I am RAIDING a vending machine later. Like Raiden. That’s a guy from a video game right? Yeah. He is. Fuck you. Raiden.
So be it
I told you quite clearly that you were too much trouble, and that I didn’t need you in my life anymore, under any terms.
You’ve been calling me every day. You called me just now, at 4:45am, when I need to be awake in 2 hours. I’ve been polite; over the past year and a half you’ve slowly been crossing the line from desperation to harassment. I’m all out of patience.
Your number has been blocked from my phone. If I see you in Philly, I hope you’ll have the sense not to talk to me.
Walking Disease: i ate too much today. →
pussycrippler.tumblr.com
…
I’m not even going to acknowledge the fact that this is fucking ridiculous, so instead I’m going to crush your soul and inform you that fruit has calories.
no need to crush my soul, i understand that combined i’ve eaten about 70-90 calories of fruit but i don’t count…
Dear fragileandfrail-
I understand that you have an eating disorder. One of my best friends is EDNOS. I listen to her talk about what she eats/how much she exercises/why she feels guilty for eating more than X number of calories. I listen because I care about her and she means the world to me.
Maybe you see what I’m getting at, maybe you dont., but hard-and-fast, the internet is a collective of (mostly) complete strangers who have little to no interest in your problems and really just want a few laughs and to hear some new buzz. Don’t post things about your eating if you don’t want people to mock you. This is the internet. Nothing is sacred. No one cares. This may not be the best forum for you.
In a related note, if you recognize that you have an eating disorder, you should perhaps try to do something about it. Therapy can often be helpful. As my aforementioned friend explained, eating disorders are almost always symptomatic of something larger, and rarely have anything to do with food itself.
Play
I have not left my house
-been up about 4 hours (6pm here)
-white brandy + grapefruit juice
-new Maps and Atlases & new Tokyo Police Club
-cigarettes
New Jersey is where fun comes to die
I have eaten 4 cupcakes in the past 20 minutes.
I have eaten 20 cupcakes in the past 4 minutes.
Jesus, Bryan. You’ve always got to one up me, don’t you?
Look…I’m taking a shit while browsing the internet. I’m pretty sure if anyone is “winning” right now, it’s you
I have eaten 4 cupcakes in the past 20 minutes.
I have eaten 20 cupcakes in the past 4 minutes.
